Overcoming Premature Ovarian Insufficiency
This is the most difficult and personal piece I have ever written, but my hope is that it provides support to others who are living with similar journeys.
I was thirty when I was diagnosed with premature ovarian insufficiency. I went to my routine OBGYN appointment and told my doctor that I noticed my periods were becoming irregular over the past few months. My doctor took some blood tests and a week later (on a Friday that I will never forget), she called me up and told me that my hormone levels were off the charts. She said my FSH was over 100. Before that day, I had no idea what FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) was. She then went on to tell me that because my FSH levels were so high it would make it difficult to get pregnant with my own eggs. I immediately felt a stab to my heart. I was in shock and felt a wave of sorrow and confusion. How did this happen to me? Is there any hope for my fertility? What are the health risks? I felt so lost and wasn’t able to get straight answers from doctors because they didn’t know why this was happening to me or how to heal it. Throughout this 4-year journey, I have seen a multitude of different doctors and healers, including OBGYNs, Endocrinologists, Dieticians, Functional Medicine Doctors, Chiropractors, Acupuncturists, Energy Healers and Spiritual Teachers. And I have experienced a rollercoaster of emotions and feelings along the way, including the downs (sadness, anger, jealousy) and the ups (hope, growth, love, and empowerment). I could go on and on about this health journey I have been on, especially the challenges, but my goal in this post is to focus on how I have grown, what has worked for me, and how I am continuing to heal.
Doctors do not know everything and tests are just numbers: For the longest time, I was so fixated in finding an answer to why my body was going through this and how I could heal it. I was so frustrated when doctors were not able to give me a straight answer. “It could be autoimmune…, it could be stress..., it could be a mutated gene..., it could be what you are eating…;” yet they didn’t have a remedy or action plan for it. But, they were really good at scaring me, telling me that I was at higher odds for osteoporosis, heart disease, and infertility. I learned quickly that letting them get inside my head was the worst thing I could do for myself. Our minds are so powerful and if we believe something, it’s highly likely it will happen. If I believe what they were telling me, I was not allowing myself to overcome this and heal. Tests are just numbers and numbers are just a piece of the overall picture. Yes, data is helpful at guiding us through health diagnosis and treatments, but we must remember to focus on how we feel and our attitude toward healing.
Advocate for yourself: I grew up thinking Doctors had all the right answers, but I know now that is just not true. We must always be our own advocate, especially as it relates to our health. Don’t be afraid to speak up and provide awareness about your concerns and questions. I find that when I push doctors for answers to my questions, it always helps me simplify my next steps and make better decisions for my health.
Don’t label yourself by your health condition: Like most people, the first thing I did when I found out about my condition was google it and the results were devastating to me. I would stay up late at night on my phone trying to find positive stories with little success. However, I do not experience the majority of symptoms that webmd and other medical articles say I should be experiencing. I credit my healing regimen (noted below) for that. Everyone’s body is different and everyone’s symptoms are different. Just because you have a health condition doesn’t mean you are going to experience the same symptoms. Trust your own feelings and how your unique body feels.
Never compare yourself and let society make you feel a certain way: It’s so easy to compare ourselves to others, especially as a woman. When I found out that my fertility journey was going to be rocky, I immediately compared myself to other women. I already was older than a lot of my friends who were having children, and not to mention, I wasn’t married (and am still not). I removed society’s pressures from my consciousness and dove deep to understand my dreams and aspirations. What do I want right now? Then I realized, I was living the life I wanted. This is it! And wow, I am pretty badass.
Find a healing regimen that works for you: For me, it is acupuncture, tui na massage, meditation, tong ren, diet, and lifestyle.
I have been a member and patient of Tong Ren since being diagnosed and I am so thankful for the community of healers I have joined. I receive weekly acupuncture and regular tui na massage treatments. I have become a Tong Ren practitioner and co-lead a free Monday night energy healing session that all are welcome to attend.
A dear family friend has taken me under his wing to teach me how to deepen my meditation practice, focusing on balancing my chakras (particularly as they relate to my endrocrine system).
Working with a functional medicine doctor, I have recently eliminated all inflammatory foods from my diet, including; gluten, soy, alcohol, sugar, corn, caffeine (and other foods that my body specifically built antibodies against.) I’m still navigating how I will proceed with my diet once I finish the functional medicine program because I believe in balance, especially when it relates to diet.
I’ve refreshed my routine by practicing daily sadhanas, prayer sessions, time outdoors (especially near bodies of water) and workouts, including yoga and high intensity training.
Live in the present: Rather than focusing on what could be, I focus on what is. Life is really incredible RIGHT NOW! I stopped worrying about the future (what if I can’t have children) and stopped obsessing over the past (did the ebstein barr virus from mono do this to me?) We only have the now in life. This moment is what it’s all about. Let’s treasure it.
Body, mind, and spirit connection: Someone wise told me this in response to learning about my health journey: “The wound is the place where the Light enters you” - Rumi. I can now say, I truly believe this experience has been a sacred gift. I am more confident in myself than ever before and have a better understanding of who I am. I have been led down a spiritual treasure hunt and I am connecting the dots and finding parallels that continue to lead me to growth, wisdom, and peace from within.
Relinquish control: I’ve always been a person who enjoys being in control. But this was out of my control. As much as I liked to think that I could make change that would immediately balance my hormones, it wasn’t happening. Being at peace with the unknown, trusting my journey, and relinquishing control is something I continue to practice.
Look inside yourself to break down blockages: Through Tong Ren, acupuncture, and massage, I know how to heal my body by opening up blockages within my hypothalamus, pituitary, and pineal gland to balance my hormones. Scanning your body, you can feel where there are tender or sore areas, which are usually the problem areas. For me, my blockages tend to be in my neck, mid-back, and lumbar area. These are areas I continue to focus on and unblock.
Trust your intuition: Throughout this journey, I have learned how to tap into my own intuition by finding peace and listening within. Trust your gut because it is usually spot on. I also continue to visualize what I want and manifest it to reality.
Everyday is a new day of growth, inspiration, and learning. But, I also give myself permission to have setbacks because that's all part of the healing process. For those of you also living with autoimmune disease, infertility, or hormone imbalance, my heart goes out to you. We can heal ourselves by looking within: spiritually, physically, and mentally. I’ll continue to share my journey with you in hopes that we can learn and grow from each other. I am always willing to chat about my personal healing journey, help you heal, and teach you how to become your own healer. We’re all in this together and will come out stronger. I’ll continue to update you on my journey.